Communication

Introduction

When you speak, your average rate of speech is around 125 to 150 words per minute. In contrast, when you listen, the average rate of your thoughts can be well over 500 words per minute. You may wonder what the variation between speech-speed and thought-speed has to do with your listening. Given this variation, as a listener, you can comprehend information at a much more rapid rate than you can present information as a speaker. As a result, you have “time left over” to let your mind wander. You can start daydreaming so spontaneously that when you finally return to a speaker's message, you may have missed some important information.

Discussion

Your goal in effective listening is to understand the message the way the sender intended. This goal cannot be achieved if you let your emotions get in the way. A variety of triggers can produce strong emotions that interfere with your listening. You may find the subject being discussed is highly controversial; maybe you find the speaker's choice of words to be personally offensive; possibly the topic of discussion arouses defensiveness in you. In all of these instances, listeners may tune out the speaker altogether or be planning a response long before the speaker has concluded. Although “keeping your cool” might be a challenge under such circumstances, failure to do so is likely to result in an inaccurate interpretation of the message.

In addition, loss of emotional control can occur when you make snap judgments about the speaker or the message. Ineffective listeners make evaluations or judgments prematurely, before they have all of the necessary facts. This tendency is sometimes referred to as jumping to conclusions.

Your boss might be feeling stressed by added work responsibilities; your friend may have been running late for an important appointment; your spouse could be tired after a demanding day at work. However, if you fail to recognize these incorrect assumptions, you may feel worried about your relationship with the boss, resentful toward your friend, and annoyed with your spouse.

Some especially important active listening skills are:

Positive nonverbal behavior

As you know, such behavior includes expression, body language, proxemics, voice tone, and the like. To respond to another person with empathy, you will need to use eye contact, sit at a comfortable distance (preferably across from each other), nod, and use facial expressions to convey hearing, understanding, and acceptance. It will take some concentration to appear relaxed and focused on ...