“Why don't we listen better” by James C Peterson



book review on “Why dont we listen better” by James c Peterson

Introduction

In his book, Why don't we listen better? Communicating and connecting in relationships, James Peterson explores good communication skills through active listening, understanding and a thorough look at the communication process.  Learning to listen provides a foundation for better communication in relationships.  This process is formed between a talker and a listener and occurs in an environment where healthy relationship can occur.  By active listening the ability to interact and communicate within boundaries.  This book is a journey into self-discovery focusing on communication techniques that promote healthy relationships.

Discussion

Communication evolves in our brain, heart and stomach.  The brain is the thought area for our speech where we formulate and choose the words that we will cognate to communicate.  The stomach is the emotional area.  Peterson describes this as “those inner nudges that let us know when we're uncomfortable, happy, excited, interested, attracted, irritable, angry, resentful, frustrated, and curious.  Feelings are our internal response to the world around us.” The heart is where it is all put together.  A good communicator can balance these aspects to produce constructive helpful communication.  If these areas fall out of balance then the communication process is not productive (Schramm, 2004).  For example, if communication is all emotion without any thought the words cannot convey the appropriate message.  Conversely, if the communication is all thought without emotion then the dynamic feeling cannot be conveyed (Roy, 2010). 

Within this Peterson defines two levels of communication.  The first level is the primary exchange of information and general discussion.  This level of communication lacks depth and does not fulfill relational requirements.  Deeper communication is needed.  The second level involves emotion and moves people into intimate deeper relationships.  This level of communication involves emotional attachment and shared feelings.  In this level of communication information becomes easier, clearer, and the process more forgiving. 

The Flat-Brained syndrome occurs when the emotional “stomach” overtakes the logical “brain” during the communication process.  Everyone has encountered this syndrome during times of hurt or frustration where decisions are made based on emotion rather than logic.  The relational ability to communicate is quickly lost in this state because our hearts harden, our logic is lost our interaction with the world is skewed.  This syndrome disrupts communication at its basic level. To counter this syndrome, a reduction of the emotional disturbance is necessary in order to clarify the thought process, which increases self-confidences and restores supportive friendships. 

This Flat-Brained syndrome can be quickly exasperated by the brain in a spiraling pattern where the emotional is fed by the brain and the problem quickly explodes and is escalated within the person's mind.  This is called the Flat-Brain Tango.  During this exchange, Peterson describes a courtroom drama unfolding where “Winning seems to be everything.” Those involved turn communication into a win-lose, point-counterpoint game.  More energy is spent attacking and counter-attacking than in communicating.  The Double-Reverse-Twist is a change of the communication technique that can be used to stay out of the Flat-Brain Tango by looking at the emotional and keeping it in check. 

The Talker-Listener Process creates an environment where two people can talk and ...