Sibling Rivalry

Introduction

There is probably no activity that evokes more frustration from parents than fighting between siblings. Parents will frequently try a variety of interventions without any apparent success. Sometimes they will be able to stop the fighting that is in progress, but preventing the fights that will start tomorrow is the real challenge.

World peace begins in the hearts and homes of our families, and if we teach the future leaders (our children) win/win principles, then they can apply those practices to our governments when they become adults (Shapiro, Brack, 264-273). Let's consider some of the ways we can influence children to find alternatives to fighting.

There are four key ways to handle fighting

Respect both sides equally. By recognizing all parties as equals, the mistaken notion that "might make right" is replaced with "respect makes right." If one child injures another, give both children directions in a simple, clear way. Take away items that may be used for fighting until a cooperation plan is made (Houtzager, Grootenhuis, Hoekstra-Weebers, 75-87).

Children who choose to be physically aggressive may have learned their behaviour through observation, punishment, or experience. They are not "bad" children. Some children, for a variety of reasons, get angry faster and have more difficulty controlling their impulses. Regardless of the cause, your commitment to demonstrating and teaching them mutual respect, safety in all interactions, cooling off, and using problem-solving skills as often as possible will help (Houtzager, Grootenhuis, 315-324).

Bring peace to the fight by physically getting down on their level. Touch them lovingly. Look at each of them with acceptance. Make sure you feel no judgment or anger since that will show on your face. For example, it they are fighting over a toy, come into the fight calmly, kneel down to their level, gently touch their backs or arms. When they get calm, hold out your hand for the toy that they are fighting over and tell them, "You may have the toy back when the two of you have come to an agreement about it or have decided how to play with it cooperatively." Then leave the room with the toy and let them work it out. Intimidation and words such as, "You are going to drive me crazy with your fighting!" or "I'm going to lock you in your rooms!" will only build resentment and invite retaliation. You can also take this quiet, calm time to do some ...