Separation

Introduction

Depending on the society, marriage may require religious or civil sanction (or both), although some couples may come to be considered married simply by living together for a prescribed period (common law marriage). In most societies marriage serves to socially identify children by clearly defining kinship ties to a mother, father, and extended relatives. It also serves to regulate sexual behavior; to transfer, preserve, or consolidate property, prestige, and power; and, in patriarchal societies, to transfer authority over women from fathers to husbands. Most important, it is the basis for the institution of the family.

Separation rates in the United States are notably higher today than 40 years ago, despite a slow downward trend since about 1980. After a long-run slow increase since the early twentieth century interrupted by a spike at the end of World War II and a leveling off for the 20 years afterward, the separation rate more than doubled in the period between the mid-1960s and the early 1980s. Separation, like all family topics, is fundamentally intertwined with gender. The causes and consequences of separation are gendered in various ways because the family itself is historically a gendered institution. The causes of increased separation rates are also gendered, with changes in the expectations of marriage playing a role along with changing employment opportunities for men and women.

Causes of Separation

At the societal level, there are several causes of rising (or high) separation rates. Since the Enlightenment era, marriage in United States has increasingly emphasized romantic love and self-fulfillment, in line with a broader trend toward individualism. In contrast to a marriage model that stresses duty and commitment, this individualistic marriage model is more fragile and subject to dissolution (Greenstein, Shannon, 2006, 89-96). Some commentators emphasize the personal liberation aspect of a “separation culture,” while others decry the same as reflecting a lack of commitment to marriage, in relation to this employment trends also play a role in separation rates.

Much of the difficulties of separation concern the relationship between ex-spouses, especially when children are involved. Joint custody is stressful and seems unfair to both sides. Efforts to “win over” a child can prove devastating to the parent-child relationship. Children grieve, too, for the missing parent. For years following separation, and even into subsequent marriages, people remain focused on the aftermath of their first marriage and cannot move on. Hostility between separated couples is common, and the patterns of power struggles continue after separation. Separated persons do not always completely sever emotional, romantic, or even sexual ties with their first spouse, making it difficult to accept the end of a marriage.

When the cultural norm is a specialized model in which men are workers and women are housewives, the first explanation is supported. This helps to explain rising separation rates during periods of increasing gender equality (Grossbard, 1993, 67-78). Where there is a gender-specialized model of marriage, women's employment can be experienced as a destabilizing force in marriage, at the same time contributing to marital conflict and providing an alternative ...