Death and Dying

Death and Dying

Death and Dying

Subtopic 1: Explain the stages of death and dying

Description of Concrete Experience: My experience with death and dying is different than what will be the body of work I write for this essay. That will be about my wife Carla who died suddenly of a brain aneurysm on October 21, 1994. For my description of a concrete experience, I will write about my stepfather's mother, and what my family lived through during the year we created a hospice in our home.

I had been paroled from prison and moved back home to my family within six months of my arrival, my stepfather brought his mother to live with us also.

I use the term his mother because I never considered her to be my grandmother. She had made it apparent what she thought of my mother, my brother, and me over the years. He was the only father I had ever had, but in the eyes of his parents, we were not my father's children. We were always treated differently than the other grandchildren in the family. I am sure I noticed this more than my brother since I was 5 years older than he was. There were many times in that year I wished this lady would die so I would not have to witness my father's grief. But understanding a son's love for his mother, and also the love I have for my father, I did what I could to put my feelings aside, and shared my father's grief as best I could. Not the grief of a grandson for his grandmother, but the grief of my dad's as his son.

She was bedridden and on her way to passing. My stepfather refused to put her in a nursing home and since he was retired, took over the responsibility and care of his mother. My father and I spoke often at this point as he needed someone to talk with about getting ready for the loss of his mother. I had already lost my wife, so I was able to speak with him on the subject. My father and I shared his grief and I was able to share his feelings of loss. I was there to witness what takes place when a member of my family is affected by the death of a loved one. For me and my family we lived with the stages of death for over a year. My grandmother never showed signs of improvement and slowly different functions stopped working. First she was unable to control her bowel movements, then she was unable to feed herself, and finally came dementia as she slipped back to the days of her youth, slowly forgetting everything along the way.

Reflections

Having experienced death from both sides, by that I mean both the sudden death of my wife, and the slow death of my father's mother, I think it is safe to say what is shared by both is not the pain of death, but instead ...