Bad Lover Vs Good Lover

Introduction

Good love refers to instances when one person (the would-be lover) feels romantic, passionate feelings for an individual who does not return the same feelings (the rejector). (Baumeister & Wotman, 13-24) Research indicates that unrequited love is quite common. Almost everyone in the United States has either loved someone who did not love them in return or been loved by someone they did not love in return by the time they reach college.

Background/History

For centuries, good love has been a prevalent theme in the cultural arts (e.g., poetry, music, literature), as well as the popular media. If you turn on your radio, there is a good chance you will hear a melancholy singer lamenting over having his or her love refused by the object of his or her affection. Despite societies' fascination with the topic, psychologists devoted little attention to the topic until more recently. In the early 1990s Roy Baumeister and colleagues collected autobiographical narratives written by college students from the perspective of the rejector and from the perspective of the would-be lover. Comparisons made between the roles of would-be lover and rejector provided insight into the process of unrequited love, forming the basis of what social psychologists know about unrequited love to this day.

Common Pathways

Bad love occurs for multiple reasons; there is no one specific reason why romantic attraction goes unreciprocated. Several common reasons emerged in the collected narratives, however. For instance, people will reject offers of love if they come from people who do not live up to standards they hold for a romantic partner. For example, one important standard people set is physical attractiveness. Research in social psychology indicates that people tend to prefer a romantic partner who is as physically attractive as, if not more physically attractive than, they are. So if Lauren ...