STRENGTHENING MARITAL INTIMACY

Strengthening Marital Intimacy

Strengthening Marital Intimacy

Summary

This review covers Ronald Hawkins' “Strengthening Marital Intimacy” which was written in 1991. Hawkins focuses on maintaining individuality while implying interdependence between partners. There is constant reason to believe that while interdependent couples do find some of their pre-marital individuality disappearing, neither of the partners should find their differing giftedness or personality gradually vanishing. This choosing of roles resulted from the different reactions to temptation within the garden. Male leadership is a matter of Divine Prerogative and shows nothing of any favoritism towards a particular gender. Therefore, there is no room for feelings of domination or superiority within the marriage. Moreover, the complementing roles of “leader” versus “support” were placed properly by the Creator. Intimacy must be developed in the whole person. There must be a commitment of “spirit”, “soul”, and “body” of one to be fully engaged in this work of intimacy. Special care must be given to guarding one's thoughts so that they can recover from potentially difficult things to include hurtful words of past times. There must also be deliberate care for the intellectual health of their mates' thoughts. The spouse may need mental first aide at a given time in their life and sensitivity is essential in recognition of these special needs. Communication that is poor in quality and ungodly grieves God. The major reason why it grieves God is because He went and still goes to such great lengths to communicate with mankind.

Whereas it appears that man is lacking in his understanding of this need for intellectual intimacy, females need to be educated on the necessity of physical intimacy for that vacuum within the human partner as well. This facet of the marriage, by the way, cannot always be initiated by the male or he will, by necessity, grow disenfranchised towards other ideas to save the affections of his wife by refraining from boring her. One must not skim over “spiritual intimacy” entirely—even if it seems obvious. There will be times of trial and grief, and these times must be seen as masterful adjustments in the roughness of partners' lives both corporately as a marriage and individually toward each other, towards others, and towards the Lord. The basic need of man or woman within his or her spirituality is forgiveness. There is no intimacy between mankind and the Being Whom he has trespassed so long as hostility remains. There must be surrender and trust in the finished work of Christ on the cross. This new faith can be revealed in a general concern for the edification of one's spouse. Marriage must be “life's answer” to finding intimacy. Many have their crutches for “spiritual” and “physical” intimacy before their weddings and this spells disaster. These “old ways” must be disposed of if intimacy will be found within the marriage. The spouse must be the paramount focus of leisure enjoyment and social interaction and intimate fantasy. God is the source of all wisdom, and life—to include marriage—is pointless without “the wisdom ...