Lysias's speech takes the form of an imaginary address from an older man to a younger one. In the opening, the speaker claims that he can still “get what he is asking for” (i.e., sex) without being in love with the boy (231a). He proceeds to raise multiple arguments against love in such a relationship:
(1) The lover will regret giving favors after his desire subsides, while the non-lover will view favors like business transactions. (2) The non-lover will be able to indulge in pleasures without having to worry about their negative impact on his business or personal life (i.e. “he can't complain about love's making him neglect” other matters; 231b). (3) The lover will treat former lovers (i.e. boys) poorly when he finds a new object of desire. (4) There is no sense in giving sexual favors to a man in love, since such a man “will admit that he's more sick than sound in the head” (231d). (5) Love limits one's choice; it is more likely to find someone who “deserves your friendship” if one does not care about love. (6) The boy who is afraid of the stigma surrounding relations with an older man is better off with a non-lover, since the lover is more likely to boast about his relations. (7) Whereas lovers will always be seen as giving in to desire, people will not fault non-lovers for spending time together—for “one has to talk to someone, either out of friendship or to obtain some other pleasure” (232b). (8) Lovers are jealou,s and jealousy often leads to enmity; relations with a non-lover, who has attracted a boy with his personal merits, will always lead to friendship. (9) Lovers are usually first attracted to a boy's body rather than his character, so they may not want to remain friends afterwards. (10) A lover is easily carried away in excessive pleasure as well as anger; such excesses are not conducive to a long-lasting friendship. (11) Contrary to what a boy may think, strong love can exist without erotic love, just as we have trustworthy friends and family. (12) It is proper to give one's favors to those who can best return them rather than to those who are in the most need: “friends often criticize a lover for bad behavior; but no one close to a non-lover ever thinks that desire has led him into bad judgments about his interests” (234b).
Finally, the speaker declares that the speech does not urge boys to dole out their favors indiscriminately to non-lovers—at least not any more than a lover would ask a boy to give in to all his suitors. The goal of the speech has been to benefit both parties rather than to cause harm. The speaker concludes: “If you are still longing for more, if you think I have passed over something, just ask” (234c).
Lysias's speech addresses the practice of pederasty—a sexual relationship between an older man and a younger boy. Although such relationships were often shunned in the ...