Intimate Relationships

Intimate Relationships

The belief that good communication produces successful relationships seems close to self-evident. Yet, such unadorned claims are problematic from a scientific perspective, partly because defining and measuring the nature of (good) communication is anything but straightforward. However, there is general agreement that the way in which couples deal with the inevitable conflict or problems that crop up in relationships, and how they communicate their subsequent thoughts and feelings to one another, is a critical element (many have suggested the critical element) in determining the success of intimate relationships. Almost everyone experiences dark or uncharitable emotions and thoughts in intimate relationships. Two general competing accounts have been advanced specifying how individuals should best deal with such mental events: the good communication model and the good management model.

Relationship conflict typically does not cause partners to experience violent impulses. Such impulses, however, are not unheard of, and certain risk factors render them more likely. Factors that increase the likelihood that the experience of conflict leads a given partner to experience violent impulses include features of the immediate situation (e.g., experiencing anger or humiliation), the relationship (e.g., relationship commitment, power/control dynamics), the potential perpetrator's personality (e.g., dispositional hostility or narcissism), and the potential perpetrator's background characteristics (e.g., exposure to parental violence).

Even if partners experience violent impulses in response to relationship conflict, they will only act on these impulses if they exhibit weak behavioral restraint (or if they believe that intimate partner violence is acceptable, which is relatively rare in situational couple violence). Factors that increase the likelihood that experiencing violent impulses will lead to violent behavior include features of the immediate situation (e.g., impulsiveness, alcohol consumption, experiencing life stressors) and of the potential perpetrator's personality (e.g., low self-control, belief that violence is acceptable).

The good communication model is based around three empirical postulates, describing ...