Cohabitation

Introduction

Cohabitation is replacing marriage as the first living together experience for young men and women." And those who live together before they get married are putting their future marriage in danger. Those are some of the conclusions by sociologists David Popenoe and Barbara Dafoe Whitehead in their study for the National Marriage Project (Popenoe & Whitehead: 32).

In some respects, unmarried cohabitation can be beneficial from a legal standpoint. Unmarried partners may define the terms of their relationship without being bound by marriage laws that can restrict the marriage relationship. When a relationship ends, unmarried cohabitants need not follow strict procedures to dissolve the living arrangement. Moreover, unmarried couples can avoid the so-called “marriage tax” in the Internal Revenue Code that provides a greater tax rate for unmarried couples than it does for two unmarried individuals (notwithstanding efforts to eliminate this penalty).

America also appears to be changing its attitude toward cohabitation. George Barna has reported that 60% of Americans believed that the best way to establish a successful marriage is to cohabit prior to marriage (Barna: 131). Another survey found that two thirds (66%) of high school senior boys agreed or mostly agreed with the statement "it is usually a good idea for a couple to live together before getting married in order to find out whether they really get along.

Discussion Analysis

Cohabitation is not the same as marriage. It is not recognized as marriage by the state. And the participants are living together because it is their intent not to be married, at least for the time being.

Cohabitation and Test-drive Relationships

Linda Waite and Maggie Gallagher wrote The Case for Marriage: Why Married People Are Happier, Healthier and Better Off Financially. It not only makes the case for marriage, it also challenges contemporary assumptions about cohabitation (Bumpass & Cherlin: 914).

The thesis of the book is simple. Back in the 1950s, the rules were clear: first love, next marriage, and only then the baby carriage. But the social "tsunami" of the 1960s that struck changed everything. The Pill, the sexual revolution, gay pride, feminism, mothers in the workplace, no-fault divorce, and the rise of illegitimate births changed our views of marriage and family. The authors marshal the evidence to show that marriage is a good thing. As the subtitle says, married people are happier, healthier and better off financially (Shackelford: 284).

Nevertheless, the conventional wisdom is that you should "try before you buy." In fact, one of the oft-repeated questions justifying living together is: "You wouldn't buy a car without a test drive would you?" The problem with such questions and slogans is they dehumanize the other person (Nock: 53). If I decide not to buy a car (or a pair of shoes or whatever the inanimate object), the car doesn't feel rejected. When you test-drive your car, you don't pack your personal luggage in the trunk. And rejecting a car model doesn't bring emotional baggage into the next test-driving experience. The car doesn't need psychological counseling so that it can trust the next car ...