Book Review

Introduction

Relationship counselor John Gray focuses on the differences between men and women--men are from Mars, and women are from Venus, after all--and offers a simple solution: couples must acknowledge and accept these differences before they can develop happier relationships. In this unabridged version, Gray gives a spirited delivery of his message, especially when role-playing typical male/female interactions. Although it takes some time to adjust to his slightly nasal tone, the information is sound and gives both men and women helpful hints on improving themselves and their union. Psychotherapist Gray ( What You Feel You Can Heal ) adds to the growing number of self-help books that assess marital and relationship problems in terms of distinct and pervasive gender differences. Unfortunately, his overuse of gimmicky, often silly analogies and metaphors makes his otherwise down-to-earth guide hard to take seriously. Here Martians (men) play Mr. Fix-It while Venusians (women) run the Home-Improvement Committee; when upset, Martians "go to their caves" (to sort things out alone) while Venusians "go to the well" (for emotional cleansing). While graphically illustrative, the hyperbolic, overextended comparisons, particularly in the chapters that refer to men as rubber bands and women as waves, significantly detract from Gray's realistic insights.

Discussion

The classic guide to understanding the opposite sex is finally in paperback with an all new look and a new Foreword by the author. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus illustrates the differences between the ways that men and women communicate, differences that can cause rifts in relationships. Dr. John Gray has spent years listening to such cases, resulting in this book of advice to couples. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus is not for everyone, since both parties have to want to give in a relationship for the book's advice to be effective. Dr. John Gray acknowledges that arguments are going to happen, but also explains (and gives examples on) how to keep a relationship warm. Even those with a strong relationship could learn something from his book.

Once upon a time Martians and Venusians met, fell in love, and had happy relationships together because they respected and accepted their differences. Then they came to Earth and amnesia set in: they forgot they were from different planets. The first seven chapters discuss how men and women listen to each other, how they can motivate each other, and a variety of other interesting topics covering differences between men and women. Chapter Eight covers the differences in their emotional needs. It breaks down twelve kinds of love: the man's top six and the woman's top six. Then Dr. Gray proceeds to compare items in these lists. For example, the first is that she needs caring and he needs trust. Gray tells us that when a husband shows concern for his wife's happiness and her welfare, she trusts him more.

Gray proposes that men and women enumerate (or score) the giving and obtaining of love differently. For men, they are inclined to give bigger blocks of points (20, 30, 40 points ...